![]() Most couples in monogamous relationships have never had a real conversation about what monogamy means to them, their attraction to other people, or where they draw the line between innocent connections and actual betrayal. The challenge is to process the painful emotions without allowing them to sway your decision either way about whether to heal your relationship after infidelity or let it go. The hurt partner is simply reacting rather than stopping to think, “ Can this relationship be saved? Should this relationship be saved?” This desperate need to not let go of an important attachment bond is sometimes called “hysterical bonding,” and is more like an instinctual response than a thought-through decision. When cheating threatens your relationship, it’s very common for the hurt partner to feel a need to hold on at all costs. It’s smart to take some time, process feelings, and consider whether or not the relationship was actually what you wanted it to be, even minus the infidelity. In that intense swirl of emotion, it’s hard to make a level-headed decision about whether to fix the relationship or walk away after infidelity. They’re likely to fear losing the relationship, while also fearing that, if they stay, the betrayal will happen again. The hurt partner will experience serious hurt, a sense of betrayal, jealousy, shaken self-esteem, and anger. Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder: PTSD from Cheating They need to process their guilt and shame, take accountability for how they’ve hurt their partner, understand what led them to cheat, and sometimes even grieve the outside relationship. It’s important for the offending partner to be patient with their partner’s healing and remain empathetic to all the painful feelings that accompany it, for as long as it takes.Įffective affair recovery work requires the partner who cheated to take time for understanding and healing as well. Recovering from infidelity doesn’t happen overnight and repairing trust is a slow process. They may even feel frustrated with the hurt partner’s inability to simply get over it. The “offending partner” is often so overwhelmed by guilt, shame, and regret in the aftermath of an affair that they’re eager to put the episode in the past and move forward as fast as possible. If you pause to take care of yourself first, you’ll be more in touch with what you need from your partner to feel safe again, and then you can begin the process of rebuilding intimacy. It’s very common for the hurt partner to focus on healing their relationship rather than themselves in the aftermath of infidelity. That’s why a good couples counselor will help the individual heal from the pain of infidelity before trying to save the relationship.īut compassionate self-care is not always our first response when a partner cheats. So often, when your trust, self-esteem, wellbeing, and basic sense of safety have been shattered by infidelity, the experience shines a light on the places within yourself that are in need of care, attention, and healing. Sex After Infidelity: It’s “Me Before We” The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr.
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